i'm his boi, couldn't be any'ting else

Jesus is Lord, God, most high.. as God is my wittness;

i would do any'ting for this boi.

M. live aboves me with his wife, T., fine people both of them; he being from ATL, and a classic example of the phine black men to be found on occassion in the south, As he is quick to remind me that he by far is different from the norm..At the moment, I'm still in 7th heaven, simply because last night he kissed my forehead (and for a second there, he almost let me kiss him back on the mouth, but i hesisitated out'a respect for him as a friend, first, and secondly as a straight friend, and third, cause i knew i would not have been able to control myself, as i was already hard as a rock just standing near him) Fuck, Lord God, help me behave around this 6'3" 180 pounds of sweet man..i so want to keep his respect and friendship..but i tell you, it's blue balls every time we hang out..(no pun intended)

Last nite my boi, drop'd down for a visit, and shake me out of change for his brew and fags, which i was more than glad to do for him, esp., since it meant a chance to hang out with him--u see, i appreciate the view, to just look at him means a great deal to me. I never quite tell him how much i think of him..though last night, at one point, i sat real close, practicaly on top of him..(i wish) anyhow, at one moment while sitting with him, looking at him, listening to him, i was so over'come with his attractiveness (he is so very handsome) i reach'd out and gently cradled his face and told him so..

.."man, you are so attractive"; to my surprise, he allowed me this gesture; he enjoyed it; i think as much as i; We was drink'n and smoking last night; but i really think a lot of our feelings where natural, and not just the ale talking. I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by his physical aggressiveness last nite and any other queer would have read that as the 'window of opportunity' to have sex..shit i did but i just restrained my lust and desire..i mean, blood was definitly all over my ass, touching and embracing me..i felt so great about it..yet i restrained my responses back to him..mostly out of fear -- fear of myself and my strong desire of him.

right now, i think i should let him know i've post'd my feelings here; cause i wouldn't want him to find this from some'one else, esp., if he didn't already know about it--that's how much i respect his feelings and life--i.e., if he is in any way 'bothered' by what i've posted here and asked me to remove it i would; So, let me be perfectly clear; I would do any ting for AY, i consider him family, and closer; if ever he asked me to give up anything for him i more than likely would, without question; I've suspended my desire for a man before, esp., for the sake of a freindship; and i kind'a swore i wouldn't ever do that again; well, i do for AY, that is how much i like him.

i know he loves me as an older, supportive brother, and i apprecite that, and that is what i make greart effort to honor and respect, esp., between us; Truth, the older man in me does desire him as a mate--we, him and i, are truly a natural chemistry and i honestly believe he feels and knows this in his heart/soul, as much as i do.

i've been dating other men, a lot lately,

but none of them turn me on as assuredly and as quickly as the scent of this boi; I can hear his voice and become arroused; i can look at his smile and melt with desire; i errupt with his lightest touch..to brush against him is statisfaction. can u understand such desire is not simply born of lust; it is so much deeper, some'ting i could never explain in simple terms. I truly have fallen in love with him--i did from first sight of him. I've got it bad, and really that ain't good.

i do despair a bit, cause i don't understand why my life is constantly challenged with unattainable desire.. i mean, i was in a long celibate period post my last real relationship..then i came out of the celibacy into a rather tired and weak sexual experience--then i just started dating men as they want'd, i.e., just sex..but found a lot of these experiences unsatisfying..if not just silly; in fact, with many of them, i have barely been able to sustain an errection; but with my boi, the feelings are so real, so certain, so clear..there is no doubt i desire him..no doubt.

anti DL

I would never ask him to betray, his wife or his christian values;

never,

thus my personal delima; i must honor and respect the boundaries of our friendship; he did nothing to create this delima i do not blame him, nor fault him; the problem is mine; i respect his honesty and directness with me and would ask nothing else of him; But Christ is my wittness, i do have lust in my heart for the boi; i want to kiss him, caress him, and hold him, to assure him of his strength and feed him with my own.

I want nothing more than to see him happy and satisfied. This is not a simple case of DL blues, cause he knows i'm queer as much as i know he is straight, married, and devout to christ; we are simply two brothers who have found a beautiful commonity with each other; i think we both enjoy the sexual tension;

'..i've been having these feelings..' he went on to say

in his drunken'd riverly; I heard him, and could have used it as the perfect segway, to expressing my physical desires to him. At the time, we where embracing and touching each other..; but i deflected the statement, act'd as if i either didn't really hear it..or didn't think it warrent pursuit..

but, u know i did hear him, and u know i knew where he wanted me to take it..

but i love him too much..

gosh, i had to get this off my chest; every time i'm with the boi, these feelings present themselves more real than before. There ain't nothing i can do; i have these feeling, they are mine and i do claim them, i name them; i am not ashamed; Yes, i long and lust for my babi boi; period.

mexican photograher

Chinese photographer